The Unborn

I lie awake at night on the edge of insomnia. My thoughts turn to babies, ones who have been allowed to live like the warm little bundle lying next to me and also to the ones who aren't given a chance. The ones without a choice. My heart aches for the unborn.

Does our just God have mercy on them? I know it is impossible to be saved without the blood of Jesus. I also know we serve a compassionate and merciful God. This question has transpired into one for which I don't have an answer. But I have hope.

Hope found in 2 Sam. 12:22-23:

He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."

7 things

I'm loving about my 7th month old:

1. She loves to sing! Anytime she hears music, she'll "sing" along at the top of her lungs. Especially during American Idol...I desperately hope she starts to take after Jordan in that area :D

2. She has become a little copycat. Her fake coughs wake me up in the morning and she just lies there and waits for me to mimic her. We go back and forth at this game for 10 minutes most mornings. She'll clap her hands when we do and wave back at us.

3. She says mama and nana. Nana means she's hungry. Mama just means she's bored.

4. She pulled herself up on her knees yesterday. Too chubby to crawl, maybe she'll just skip it altogether....

5. She LOVES pickles. The look on her face is pure joy when I hand her a pickle.

6. She still loves being swaddled. Sometimes I miss her being an infant and she seems so old to me these days, but when she's tired and I swaddle her it's just like her newborn days, which I adore.

7. She cuddles with me all night long. As soon as I get into bed next to her she reaches out her arms to touch me and instantly falls asleep. I'm not just in love with being a mom, I love being her mom.

Seek First

Jordan has been working fulltime for backcountry.com for the past 2 1/2 months and while we knew it was a seasonal position, they made several references to him becoming a permanent employee- and we were hoping and praying for this outcome. On Monday Jordan asked his manager what the status was and the answer he received was no one would be let go until after January, if then. Unfortunately this turned out not to be true and Jordan was told today that he was being let go. We thought this would happen, although we hoped it wouldn't, and we didn't think it would be so soon. So we are back to searching for a job for him and praying for guidance for our family. Some things may be in the works for this summer, but in the meantime we're not sure. We know God provides and always has and I wish I could say we are completely at peace right now, but in all honesty, I am not (Jordan is much better at this than I am!). It took him 3 months to find this job and I just hope it's not the case this time. I'm struggling with not having a plan and a stable income and the ability to get our feet on the ground, whether it be in Utah or somewhere else. Everyday I'm thankful for food to eat, clothes to wear, and all of God's other provisions. But daily it is a struggle for me to renew my mind and trust in the Lord always.

A verse that always comes to mind when I'm struggling between having the things I need rather than the things I want (or think I need) is 2 Peter 1:3:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

I find great joy in knowing that there is nothing I lack! I already have been given all I need to live an abundant and godly life.

It's my choice to live in contentment.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matt 6:33)

In the meantime, I will enjoy having the same bedtime as my husband and seeing more of him everyday. I look forward to the day when we will look back on this season of life and see the areas of growth that took place in our lives.