Jordan and I recently had a conversation with someone about why we do not say "please" when giving our kids commands and instructions. Our desire is that our children learn to obey quickly the first time and when saying "please" we feel like we are giving the child an option. Having to ask a second or third time is not obedience. We are not equals, God has placed us in roles of authority. My sister sent me to this blog Like Mother,Like Daughter
The author reiterated our philosophy way better than I ever could! And I just wanted to include this excerpt:
When Pa was away and a bear came to the Little House, Ma told Laura to get inside. And she went, even though she didn't see the bear at first. Would your little girl do what you said in that situation?
Today's child, in the false comfortable world of prosperity where parents think they have the luxury of listening to "experts" (who have no obedient children themselves), would cause this scenario:
"Laura, get inside!"
"Why?"
"Sweetie, get inside, please. Mommy needs you to get inside. Mommy doesn't want to scare you, but there's a big bear and she needs you to make a good choice now and do what she says."
"Will you buy me a treat?"
"Yes, sweetie, please, go inside."
"Where's Daddy?"
"Mommy knows you have questions, and that's very smart of you. I'm so proud of you. Please go inside now."
"He's never here! Why isn't he here? You TOLD me he'd be here!"
"Sweetie, when you argue with me, you are making a bad choice. What did we say about bad choices? Now, you'll have a time-out if you don't do what I say..."
Meanwhile, the bear eats them.
Why? Because Mommy is so patient that she allowed every interaction with her child to be an exchange between equals rather than a strong wall that a child can't breach. For her own sake.
What a breath of fresh air! (I believe that my kids will learn to say please and thank you thru other methods and hopefully as modeled by us, not while learning obedience.)