Adelaide turned one last week and I'm overwhelmed with the memories of the past year. Watching Adelaide grow has been so delightful and I can't imagine life without her. She's been an amazing little blessing and has added so much joy to our lives. I love looking back over the past year if I'm remembering all her little milestones and changes, but if I think back to all that's gone on in Jordan and myself, all the moves and transitions, the trials, etc. I feel so much regret and pain. I could say what I hear constantly from Christians, "I don't have regrets" or "the trials are so good" but at this point I'd be lying. While I know the Lord will use this time in our life for good as he promises, I still feel raw at the moment and I do have regrets. This is my weakness and my struggle. I tend to look at the first few months following the birth of Adelaide and I feel so homesick. I miss walking everywhere with my baby, I miss the sounds of the river from my bedroom, I miss the incredible view from my porch, I miss having good friends, I miss being part of a community, I miss feeling like I have a home, I miss my husband coming home so excited and refreshed from his day at work because of the guys he works with, I miss loving the youth and getting to be my crazy self with them...
Oh I know we're right where God wants us to be at the moment and that there's a very good reason for us leaving LC, but I'm not going to sugar coat it, because this is my heart hurting. The transitions over the past year and the lack of relationships and fellowship has been so rough on us and our marriage. Maybe I'll never feel at home again until heaven but I sure do hope the pain eases up.
Back to the present and the reality of our lives...here's a little update with what's been going on with us:
-We transitioned Adelaide out of our bed and into her own when she started sleeping through the night a week before she turned one and it was SO easy! She is now the easiest child I've ever put to bed. I put her down and she cries for literally 5 seconds before she turns over and falls asleep. I'm SO amazed!
-Jordan likes his job at the apartment complex and it is really working out well for him.
-I am starting a part time job at the same apartment complex today! I will be cleaning the apartments after tenants move out...it's SO perfect and such an answer to prayer. Great pay and so flexible and I get to keep Adelaide with me!
-We have settled on using a midwife and we're really hoping for a homebirth for this baby. If we're in our own place by then it should work out!
-I am definitely not as sick as I was with Adelaide, I just have morning sickness in the morning! (And in the middle of the night when I'm super hungry). I haven't thrown up yet, hurray!
-Adelaide has a new cousin that was born on her birthday! Boaz Bruce Goodrich...SO exciting!
3 comments:
thanks for being transparent charity. I know we don't talk much, but I do like keeping up with you guys through the blog. It may not be the best way to connect, but at least it's A way. I'm praying for your pregnancy, and will fervently be praying for a successful home birth.
You are in our prayers and have been on our hearts. I am glad you both found jobs!
Thanks for being so honest in this blog post, Charity. We too have experienced a good amount of pain during our recent move from Lake City and I know what you mean about the platitudes from Christians. While such statements are "true", it doesn't mean we don't deal with pain. It's good to talk about it, so many people don't want to.
And that's all great news about Adelaide sleeping, you working, not being as sick, and finding a midwife. Those types of things DO seem to have a way of working out.... Glad to hear it.
If you ever need to talk with someone about the homesickness, marriage stress, and not having a chance to make friends, you know how to find me :)
Post a Comment