grace truly does find beauty in everything.

Here are pictures of the very quickly growing baby inside of me! I'm posting these mainly for Mom J, because I know she'd love to see her granddaughter and because I am wearing the shirt she gave me for my birthday last year! :) I am 26 weeks along in these pictures and at the last appointment Adelaide was measuring 2 1/2 weeks ahead. Maybe she'll come early! Or maybe I'll have a large baby, it runs in my family for sure, or maybe it doesn't mean anything at all! Whatever happens, she'll be exactly how God created her and the birth will be how he intended, which I find a lot of peace and joy in. I am really looking forward to the labor and delivery and I when I say this I receive a lot of weird looks, but I feel so honored and privileged to go through childbirth and I cannot wait to experience it. It's so amazing how even though childbirth is so painful as it is under the curse, there is such joy and beauty in it and God is glorified through its entirety. I am learning this more and more everyday, such as when I get disgusted with the many different changes happening in my body, and when I can't put my shoes on without sitting down, and when my back is aching and I am unable to sleep. There is absolutely nothing in pregnancy that brings glory to the woman, but the Creator is glorified through every single moment and aspect of it and through His grace He allows us all the precious little things to enjoy and experience.

This may explain why I rarely post pictures of my belly. I know how fun it is to watch the baby grow from the outside and to see the changes a woman goes through, but I also see so much focus being put on the woman and the glory and praise being given to her when there is absolutely nothing in a woman's power or control about the miracle of a child being grown out of a few cells. This may also explain why I don't use terms such as "prego" and "baby bump." (please remember this is simply my opinion, and if you like to use these words, more power to you, I'm just sharing my honest opinion- which is what blogging is all about right? :D) For me to regard God's creation as a "bump" makes me feel irreverent and demoralizing (to borrow Susanna's choice of words). However, I am not condemning anyone else, this is simply my personal view.

Anyway, I am in so much awe of the Lord's grace and beauty among and I hope and pray that Adelaide will continue to bring glory to him when she enters the world.

More of God's grace:
Some of you may think I became pregnant pretty quickly after being married, and while in reality we did, but the process to me seemed to take forever. I have always wanted to have children quickly and be a young mother, and since Jordan and I decided to give our control over to the Lord regarding the situation, I thought it would happen really quickly. However, in my thought process, giving the Lord control over this area was easy because I really, really wanted to get pregnant. But when 4 months, then 5, then 6 months went by and nothing was happening except for tears and impatience, I became quite frustrated. There were so many people around me able to get pregnant so quickly and I started allowing it to affect my relationship with the Lord. I was angry and bitter that I gave him control of my life but that there could be a chance I could never conceive. Obviously if I was this frustrated and angry, I wasn't really giving the control over to the Lord. This is so obvious to me now! It's remarkable how long it takes us humans to get these things through our heads. Finally after 9 months (God likes 9 month segments, I've realized), I was overjoyed and in tears to learn that He had allowed us to conceive. This happened exactly one month after I relenquished control over the situation and I even remember telling my friend Crystal, that I was content with where God had us and if it wasn't His plan to give us children, it would be very difficult but I would be ok with it, because as always, the Lord knows best. I remember reading the pregnancy test and crying and just thinking how I did not deserve this blessing at all and it was only by God's grace.

There have been quite a few times when people have questioned Jordan and I having a baby so soon after getting married and at such a young age. However, at our first doctor's appointment, during the routine physical exam my doctor found that my ovaries were very polycystic and she even said, "It's a good thing you got pregnant now, because you may not be able to in the future." (And I know that's totally up to the Lord, and he won't let my ovaries stop Him) But hearing that again reminded me of God's grace and His PERFECT timing. When we arrive at Adelaide's due date, it will be almost exactly 1 1/2 years since Jordan and I were married and to me that is the perfect amount of time together. I even asked Jordan a few weeks ago if he would have liked more time alone before kids and his response was that we've had a good amount of time alone, and that a child wasn't going to take our freedom away, they would just change what it looked like. He also mentioned that being able to take kids on vacations and to the zoo and etc. would be a little more exciting than just the two of us, which I agree (not that we're bored with eachother... :).

A final thought: Many nights when I was struggling with not getting pregnant, I would turn to the story of Hannah in the Bible and her struggle with her closed womb. I am now constantly brought to the verse in 1 Sam. that says, "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."